Here’s the prologue for my rewritten book. Read and tell me what you think of it:
Randy waited patiently as the bus pulled up to the curb in front of his house, the last stop before school. When the doors opened, he was greeted by a bunch of old faces – and a couple new ones.
Randy’s face broke into a grin when he spotted Will Cooley, one of his best friends. The other, Jack Robinson, had moved out to Ohio for his dad’s new business opportunity. Snore. Since then they’d had to converse through email.
“Earth to Randy!” Will broke through his thoughts.
Randy smiled again and sat down next to him, dropping his backpack on the floor with a heavy thump.
“Algebra books that heavy?” Will asked.
Randy shook his head and opened the backpack, withdrawing a large square of tile that made both boys ogle it.
“Mom wants to replace the tile in the kitchen,” Randy explained. “She’s having me go over to compare this to the new tile she wants. They said they’d have the tile waiting so I don’t have to do anything.”
Randy replaced the tile and zipped up the backpack. Will licked his lips.
“The guys and I are going out to Razzle’s later to get some ice cream. Want to come?”
Before Randy could reply, there was a large thump on the top of the bus. Both boys looked up in shock as the top of the bus was split open. A hairy hand reached inside and began grasping at the open air. A girl screamed. The hand disappeared. Within moments, a girlish cry filled the air. It was coming from Harry Truman as he pointed at the back of the bus.
“Fire!” He screamed.
The bus driver turned around, spotted the flames, and pulled over. They were practically in the school parking lot now.
“Everyone out!” Mr. Wilkins barked.
Kids rushed at the doors as the flames reached their seats, licking at the plastic and igniting stuffing. Randy ran out behind Will, his breath ragged and short. Then he remembered.
“My backpack!” He yelped.
Will turned around in shock as Randy ran back in, just managing to reach his seat before a hairy hand reached in to try and pluck at his backpack. It was a game of tug-o-war now, both struggling to maintain a hold on the backpack before the bus blew up. Finally, whatever was on the other end of the arm dropped down and Randy screamed. It was a goblin. Its fleshy skin was covered in warts and calluses, the snake-like eyes surveying him with malicious intent. It opened its mouth to reveal a large set of teeth and hissed.
Randy turned and ran.
Just as the bus blew up, Randy leapt out. The force of the blast sent Randy sprawling to his feet, scraping his knees, pulling skin off the palms of his hands. Will and the bus driver ran over, pushing him into a sitting position.
“Dude, are you okay? I swear I thought you were gonna die!”
Randy took deep breaths, his eyes fixed on the bus. Whatever it was that he’d seen on the bus, it’d definitely blown up. He frowned; disappointed that he hadn’t gotten any pictures of the action. Behind him, a girl waved her phone in the air.
“Oh my gosh!” She squealed. “That was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen! I got some awesome pictures of you leaping out of that bus. My Facebook friends are never going to believe me!”
Randy turned and offered her a wounded grin.
“Any chance I could borrow some of those pictures?”
She shrugged and handed him the phone. Randy quickly sent the pictures to his email address and handed the phone back to her. By the time he turned back to looking at the bus, the teachers from the school were herding kids inside. Randy grinned as he stared at what was left of the bus.
“I’ve so got to tell Jack about this,” he muttered.
So what do you think?